- Experience is
something you get just after you donít need it.
- 42.7 percent
of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- A day without
sunshine is like, night.
- On the other
hand, you have different fingers.
- I just got
lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- 99 percent of
lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- I feel that I
am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- I wonder how
much deeper the ocean could be without sponges.
- Honk if you
love peace and quiet.
- Remember half
the people you know are below average.
- Save the
whales. Collect the whole set.
- Despite the
high cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains.
- Nothing is
foolproof to a talented fool.
- Atheism is a
- He who laughs
last thinks slowest.
- Depression is
merely anger without enthusiasm.
- Eagles may
soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- The early
bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I drive way
too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I intend to
live forever . . . so far so good.
- The Army are
gentlemen trying to be officers; the Navy are officers trying to
gentlemen; the RAF are neither
trying to be both.
- Borrow money
from a pessimist . . . they donít expect it back..
- If Barbie is
so popular, why do you have to buy her friends.
mechanics the dreams stuff is made of.
- The only
substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
bacteria, they are the only culture some people have.
- If at first
you donít succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion
is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- For every
action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Bills travel
through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
- Never do card
tricks for the group you play poker with.
- No one is
listening until you make a mistake.
always occurs in private and failure in full view.
- The hardness
of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The severity
of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
- To steal an
idea from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
- To succeed in
politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles .
- Monday is an
awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
- You never
really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
- Two wrongs
are only the beginning.
- The problem
with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- The sooner
you fall behind the more time you will have to catch up.
- A clear
conscience is usually the sign or a bad memory.
- Change is
inevitable except from vending machines.
- Get a new car
for your spouse it will be a great trade!
- Plan to be
spontaneous - tomorrow.
- Always try to
be modest and be proud of it!
- If you think
nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of
you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand ...
- Love may be
blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- If at first
you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.