engineering cadet was walking across campus when
another cadet rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first. The
second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take
what you want'." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted."
There was an
Artificer who had an exceptional gift for
fixing all things mechanical. After serving the Army and BAe loyally for over
30 years, he happily retired. Several years later, BAe contacted
him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one
of their multi-million dollar machine. They had tried everything and
everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation,
they called on the retired artificer who had solved so many of their
problems in the past. The artificer reluctantly took the challenge. He
spent a day studying the complicated machine. At the end of the day,
marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the
machine and proudly stated, "That's where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly
again. Two weeks later, BAe received a bill for £50,000 from the
his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The
artificer responded briefly:
One chalk mark - £ 1.00
Knowing where to put it - £49,999.00
It was paid in full, and
he retired again,
Officer with a Science degree asks, "Why
does it work?"
Officer with an Engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"
Officer with an Accounting degree asks, "How
much will it cost?"
Officer with an Arts degree asks, "Do
you want fries with that?"
Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It
had to be a mechanical engineer...just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it had to be an electrical engineer...the nervous
system is just a marvel of millions of electrical connections." The
third said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
a toxic waste pipeline right through a recreational area?"
An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a
mistress. The architect said heenjoyed time with his wife, building a
solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he
enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he
found there. The engineer said, "I like both, actually."
"Both?!" the architect and artist asked in great surprise.
"Yeah," the engineer replied. "If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume that you were spending your time with
the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
A Pastor, a Doctor, and an Engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The Engineer fumed,
"What's with these guys? We must have been waiting here for at
least 15 minutes!" The Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I
have never seen such ineptitude!" The Pastor saw the greens keeper
approaching and asked, "Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied,
"Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their
sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free, anytime."
The three professionals were silent for a moment. The
Pastor then said, "That's so tragic. I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
"Good idea," the Doctor added, "I'll
contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do
The Engineer said, "But why can't these guys play