An engineering cadet was walking across campus when another cadet rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want'." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted."

There was an Artificer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving the Army and BAe loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later, BAe contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machine. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired artificer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The artificer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the complicated machine. At the end of the day, marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "That's where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. Two weeks later, BAe received a bill for 50,000 from the artificer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The artificer responded briefly:


One chalk mark - 1.00              Knowing where to put it - 49,999.00


It was paid in full, and he retired again, peacefully.

The Constructor Officer with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The Weapons Officer with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The Supply Officer with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The Seaman Officer with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It had to be a mechanical engineer...just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it had to be an electrical engineer...the nervous system is just a marvel of millions of electrical connections." The third said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline right through a recreational area?"

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said heenjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both, actually." "Both?!" the architect and artist asked in great surprise. "Yeah," the engineer replied. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume that you were spending your time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

A Pastor, a Doctor, and an Engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The Engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting here for at least 15 minutes!" The Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I have never seen such ineptitude!" The Pastor saw the greens keeper approaching and asked, "Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free, anytime."

The three professionals were silent for a moment. The Pastor then said, "That's so tragic. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

"Good idea," the Doctor added, "I'll contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The Engineer said, "But why can't these guys play at night?"


 copyright gashbag @ 2004

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