Below are actual
(apocryphal) examples from US Officers formal reports:
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm.
A room temperature IQ.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
A gross ignoramus. . . 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
He has been
working with glue too long.
When his IQ
reaches 50, he should sell.
This man hasn't
got enough grey matter to sole the flip-flop of a one legged budgie.
If two people
are talking, and one looks bored, he's the other one.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
Bright as Alaska in December.
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
Fell out of the
stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Was left on the Wurlitzer a bit too long as a baby.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is long dead.
If you give him a dime for his thoughts, you'd get change.
are actual (apocryphal) examples from RN/RM Officers formal reports:
men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
would not breed from this Officer.
man is depriving a village somewhere of it's idiot.
officer can be likened to a small puppy - he runs around excitedly,
leaving little messes for other people to clean up.
Officer is really not so much of a has-been, more of a definitely
she opens her mouth, it seems only to change whichever foot was previously
50% leave in a 2 man submarine
has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
sound, but socially impossible.
occasional flashes of adequacy are marred by an attitude of apathy and
he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he
has aged considerably.
Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port,
and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope . . always spinning around at a
frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
Officer should go far . . . and the sooner he starts, the better.
my opinion this pilot should not be authorised to fly below 250 feet.
only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship.
a woodpecker's banyan in Sherwood forest.
well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.